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Journal Entry: Sun Nov 22, 2009, 9:46 AM
Can you charge a memory with murder?

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing


Falling down the rabbit hole

Let me out of here


For more of my thoughts on the recent travesty, Doors, check out my blog at [link]

The story in itself, is not a good one. The writing is at best, mediocre, and it's riddled with god-knows-how-many mistakes. I really just wanted to purge my system of the ideas which make up the better parts of the work. That's really the only thing I'm proud of about Doors, my imagination. Eventually, the plan is to create a grandiose mythology out of it, akin to Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos, or Barker's Hellbound mythos.

With this out of my system, I return to the drama/macabre-fantasy of Butterfly Dead. This project is big. Really big. And when I say big. I mean length of course. I still have several more characters to go through, and each of them also have lengthy back stories, and that's even before I get into the main plot of the novel. My outline is ridiculous, but it's a journey I look forwards to taking. Take it with me?

-SS

Journal Design by =DruidWu

PS Brushes: ~wyckedBrush ~Darkresources ~Shad0w-GFX
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: Seventh Tree - Goldfrapp
  • Reading: A Midsummer Night's Dream
  • Watching: Shrooms
  • Playing: Call of Cthulhu
  • Eating: Cereal
  • Drinking: Espresso
Skin by =DruidWu (modified by *sardonicsteve)

So I lied about retiring

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 6, 2009, 8:54 AM
Can you charge a memory with murder?

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing


Falling down the rabbit hole

Let me out of here


I can't seem to remember my blogspot password, and I don't necessarily feel the need to renew it at this time.

I'll merely rant about my art, or this hodge-podge of words strung together that I dare call art, here, and keep my private life for the blogspot.

I have noticed a recent influx of activity drawn by an older, ghastly piece called "Television." It's a work of mine, I still plan on rewriting, and even more so now that it's somehow drawing attention again.

The piece itself, is awful. I've been rereading it, and grimacing at how terrible it is. The main character is a brat, and wishy-washy at that. However, the basic concept of the novel still fascinates me.

I'm very drawn to urban decay, fascinated by it. I love old, worn-down buildings, nasty apartment complexes, and grimy, sleazy hotels. It's a motif that show's up in my current project, "Butterfly Dead", that was first present in "Television."

I am a fan of the video game Silent Hill, and of its presentation of the macabre. The macabre has always held a supernatural beauty for me. In its grotesque, and horrendous nature, it is godlike.

These are the things which inspired the dreamlike world of Middleburg, and its dark secrets. My favorite book, Alice In Wonderland, also comes to mind, in the way that Johnny "tumbles down a rabbit hole", walking down a long hallway, seeing the tortured and the damned.

Then of course, there is a favorite song of mine, "the Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel, whose apocalyptic lyrics inspired the drizzling, rain-drenched parallel city. The phrase, "nothing, nothing, nothing," and the three villains, "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil." Neon lights. The walking dead. "Words of the prophets written on the subway walls and tenement halls."

All collapsing into silence. Nothingness. The writing of the work is horrible. But the story is still inside me, needing to be told again in a better way. Its an amalgamation of my obsessions all pouring into one thing.

So for those of you who have just stumbled onto my writing because of this older piece, don't be too harsh. I'm still learning. Still improving. I'm far better now than I was then, and tomorrow I will improve even more. With each novella I churn out, I improve.

I've still got a long way to go.

-SS

Journal Design by =DruidWu

PS Brushes: ~wyckedBrush ~Darkresources ~Shad0w-GFX
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: Patrick Wolf
  • Reading: A Midsummer Night's Dream
  • Watching: Serial Mom
  • Playing: Call of Cthulhu
  • Eating: A Danish
  • Drinking: Gas-Station Coffee (BLECH!)
Skin by =DruidWu (modified by *sardonicsteve)

Retiring this journal

Wed Jul 29, 2009, 8:27 AM
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: Adam & The Ants
  • Reading: The Vampire Lestat
  • Watching: Alice In Wonderland (1966)
  • Playing: Silent Hill 4
  • Eating: Shrimp ramen
  • Drinking: Espresso
So if you still wish to follow me, you may do so at:

[link]

Hope to see you there!

Sex! Bang! You're dead!

Sun Jun 28, 2009, 3:33 AM
  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: Eisley
  • Reading: Your mind
  • Watching: Equilibrium
  • Playing: Sims 3 (my sims are plotting mass mayhem)
  • Eating: Shrimp ramen
  • Drinking: Espresso
Last night, I saw a brief sampling of some of the more erotic pictures from Thursday's shoot and now I'm even more anticipate to receive all of the pictures in fold. I really pushed myself during this shoot, as to things I would normally do/not do. I wanted to see where my boundaries lied, and see where my weaknesses are. I learned an incredible lot about myself, who I am, and about modeling in general.

Alternative modeling is more like acting. Playing different characters, each moment of their lives, frozen in time. It's funny, the photographer remarked how the camera visibly shows when I stopped playing the character, looked blank, or even nervous that we might be caught while I was wearing little more than a black cloak.

Somethings I did, I will never do again. Some of the pictures, and things he asked me to do for them, are just not who I am, and I will never push myself to do those things again. I hate those particular pictures of myself and I hope they never see the light of day. I looked at them, and felt trashy, nasty, filthy, and I wished I could take my heart out and dump it into a vat of degreaser. But the purpose of the shoot was to push me as far as I could, and I really wanted to see what I was capable of, and how open I was.

I also learned that the human body is an incredibly beautiful thing, and the nude form doesn't always have to be sexual. It can be artful, enchanting, and beautiful. Some of the pictures are such portraits of the soul that it's enchanting.

In a sense, Thursday, I bared my entire soul to the camera. I made myself vulnerable. Perhaps that's why I look so terribly frightened in some of the shots. Because I know that the entire world is looking in on a pathetic, nineteen year-old gay boy for who he really is, and not the strong, bratty, giddy man he pretends to be.

-SS

ps. Chris, you rock my world and spin me around.

PPS. Love to Dozy, and Izzy.

I Am Rasputin, Let Me Draw You In

Wed Jun 24, 2009, 6:03 PM
  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: Johnny Hollow
  • Reading: Celephais by H.p. Lovecraft
  • Watching: Equilibrium
  • Playing: Sims 3 (my sim is a homewrecker!)
  • Eating: Shrimp ramen
  • Drinking: Fanta
You've gotta hand it to the gods, they know how to roll their cosmic dice. I have had such a flip-flopping, tumultuous time and I'm absolutely loving it!

My life is exciting, vibrant, and artful. I'll be crawling beneath the sheets early tonight to try and catch some shut-eye, as I have a photoshoot I will be waking up at 4 in the morning for! But I am excited!

The photographer Madkhemist, and I will be doing this Pagan ritual-style shoot, some ideas were inspired by my current novel, The Way of the Coven. I'll be playing the high priest, the bait, and the sacrifice. I cannot wait.

I am eager to see how this expands my modelling portfolio. My hope is to drum up enough business so I can leave my arduous fast-food job and actually pursue something I love. Lately, I've been putting in so many hours making money at the DQ, but pumping iron, getting my body into shape, and posing for the camera.

It's all exciting though, and is all generating more inspiration for my art.

Oh, and to all artists, visit your local cemetery in the evening. Cloudy/stormy evenings are usually the greatest. Amidst the statues of weeping angels, and shrines to the deceased, you just may find the keys to your stories. There are delightful energies amongst the graves.

Not to mention, streaking through cemeteries is a fucking blast, and everyone should try it at least once.

That's all for now! Ciao!

-SS

PS. Chris, I fucking love you.

PPS. Lots of love to Izzy, and Dozy, two of my favorite ladies.

PPPS. And to all my loyal readers, you guys give me the incentive to keep typing away the chapters!

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